love doesnt hurt..love is kind...

by mindy
(la)

This is also my first blog. I never knew what abuse was until I experienced it myself. At the beginning, I never relized it would end a surviving story. My three and a half year long relationship with an abuser is something I will never forget. I pray that it will help women who are in or have been in an abusive relationship. I fell in love with a man who I thought was gorgeous. He was not rich nor stable in his life but neither was I. He was so charming at first. Two weeks After I agreed to date him, marked the beginning of my nightmare. He began telling me where I could and couldn't go, monitoring my phone calls, but this was done in a gentel way. ( just telling me the flaws of my family and friends) I didn't realize he was controlling my mind at first. I have always been a strong independant woman but little by little he took control. My first beating was after two weeks of dating. I was so embarrassed and shocked. He began threatening me and all along telling me how much he loved me. I was so attracted to him that I really though something was wrong with me. He made me feel it was my fault. He used my past fauilures as a tool.( my previous failed marriage). I began hiding brusies from my family. Lying about the ones I couldn't hide. When it was to much for me to bear, I confessed to my family and was immediately removed from my home, the stalking began along with the begging and pleading. I took my abuser back 6 times over the last almost four years. I moved five times. Had my number changed so many times. I have left for the last time. I am at a new location also have a new number. I have a support group and have signed up to volunteer. I take one day at a time while still looking over my shoulder. The peace and freedom that I feel is unexplainable. If I could get through to atleast one woman and help I would feel I have saved a life. It does not get better. I did everything I knew to do. I am healing and finding myself again. I am finding me!