Helping Victims Survive

If you are helping victims survive a domestic violence situation, there is NO QUICK FIX. Getting a victim out safely takes teamwork and time.

If you are not a blood relative of the victim, and you are someone the abuser could be jealous of – you are NOT the person that should be helping these victims survive. For the safety of all involved, please have the victim find another helper.

As you get started helping victims survive domestic violence, I highly recommend reading the domestic violence information, statistics, and stalking pages, so that you know what the victim is up against. I also recommend reading through Advocating For Victims. Below are some things you can do while helping victims survive:
Come up with a codeword – so that the victim can let you know two (2) things: (A) that they have to leave now, and (B) that if they don't call, or arrive within a certain time, you need to call the police for help. Make sure you ask where the victim is when they first call with the codeword.

Research shelters for victims of domestic violence in your area. Get as much information from them as possible. If they are regularly full, find a friend of yours not known by the abuser that might be willing to house the victim and their children for a month, or until a shelter is available.

Offer to hold an emergency bag for the victim and their children. It should contain one change of clothes for each person and toiletries.

Offer to make copies and help assemble an emergency documents file for the victim. I highly recommend this folder, or a copy of it be kept in a safety deposit box, or by you for safe keeping for the victim. If the victim has a proof of domestic violence folder, you should offer to hold that as well.

Some other steps for helping victims survive are:

Offer to get the victim a “safe” cell phone to call you, or the police in an emergency. A safe cell phone can be an old cell phone that isn't used any longer, but can be charged. Old cell phones in America can still call “911” for the police. Prepay cell phones can be purchased at electronics stores inexpensively. These phones aren't monitored, part of an account accessed by the abuser, and don't have a locating devise attached to them.

Offer your car to the victim for counseling, attorney appointments, or to go to the court house. The victim's car may have a monitoring/locating devise attached. You could also offer to run errands if needed. Once the victim leaves the abuser, they will still need a “safe” car so that they aren't stalked as easily.

If the victim wants to start moving out of their domestic violence situation, they may want to move some of their most treasured items to a safe location. Offer to store things for them, or get a storage unit for the victim to use. Follow the victims lead... they will know the safest way to move things without drawing attention, unless they are moving out completely while the abuser is away. Be very careful!! If only treasured things are moved, make sure that it isn't noticeable. The victim can also decorate with some of the abuser's special things, while leaving some of the victim's less treasured thing out.

Most victims aren't able to put together the money needed for the first month's rent, last month's rent and a damage deposit if they have to move out. Also, divorce attorneys require a retainer fee of approximately USD $1,500.00 - $2,000.00 to get started. You could start a savings account to assist the victim if needed.

As you move forward helping victims survive, this would be a good time to look into what assistance is available in your county, or state to assist the victim as they try to get on their feet. The shelters, YWCA, or YMCA may be able to offer assistance, or direct you to other agencies. Make sure you give the National Domestic Violence Hotline information to the victim to carry at all times.

Once the victim is separated from the abuser, secure the victims home and remember, they may be in more danger now than before. Everyone should be very careful.

For more information and support on assisting victims, I highly recommend; DOVE - Dignity of Victims Everywhere A Victim Outreach and Resource Organization for Victims of Violent Crimes; homicide, rape, domestic violence and more. (remember to scroll down when you visit.)

Go to surviving-domestic-violence.org from helping victims survive domestic violence