Escaping the monster that was my husband

by Regina H.

My name is Regina, and I am a Survivor of Domestic Violence. I experienced physical abuse by the hands of a person I loved dearly. I never thought in a million years he would ever hurt me. The first 7 years of our marriage was good. Depite his demanding side, we did ok until one day something changed. It was early part of 2008; I had just been laid off from my job and was quite depressed about it all. I drew unemployment for about 6 months and started doing some home improvements around the house. I even painted the entire house by myself! It was great! I was so proud of myself! However, my ex didn’t really notice and was starting to become quite distant from everything and everyone. I wasn’t sure what was wrong or if there was anything wrong at all. He drove a truck was gone a lot at that time. I slowing grew into more constant depression and started becoming distant to everyone including my husband (now Ex-husband). We had money problems just like everyone else does in this country; however I was so far gone in depression that I gave up on finances/life and he worked his butt off to make more money and stayed gone all the time. It was only a matter of time before something happened. I just didn’t know how severe it would be. The stress of his job and being gone all the time was killing him and I was slowing dying of depression and forgetting to eat. We both at that time had no clue what was happening to us.

December 2008 came and that is when he first struck me. I was devastated. But I sucked it up and wrote it off as a freak accident and went on with life. He had a lot of things going on in the month that really stressed him out so I let it go. However a few days later he struck me again and again. From that point on nothing was ever that same between us. The person that I trusted and loved with all my heart became the enemy. I was scared of him. I didn't tell anyone including my family what was going on. I was ashamed and did not want anyone know or think poorly of me or him. So.... after a many rounds of physical/verbal abuse, trying to leave and going back out of fear, I made a one last attempt to try to save my marriage. I decided to pack everything up, put everything into storage and go out on the truck with him. So... in May of 2009, I went on the road with him and our dog. I really thought if we were together more, maybe it would help things, I was mistaken. The abuse became worse on the truck. He would go on these stressful anger highs for a while and then go back to a calm low. I never knew what was going to happen next. It was a roller coaster ride to say the least. When he was on the highs, I got hit, threatened, talked down to, clothes ripped off my body, tossed around, shoved, punched, choked out, stabbed, and kicked. I used so much Icy Hot on my body, after a few months it didn't even work anymore. Sometimes, when I was attempting to get away he would threaten to kill the dog. So.... I would go back and take the beating just to save my dog's life. Other times he would make me take off my clothes and beat me with whatever he could find.... a belt, a CB Handle, whatever. There were times I was completely naked when he beat me! The belt was his favorite to beat me with when he would come home off the road. If I didnt do exactly what he said, I got the belt or a backhanding. He would tell me all the time during the abuse that he hated me, wanted me dead, wished he never married me, I was ugly, and if I ever told anyone/or tried to get away he would kill me and my family. It was a nightmare that I could not wake up from! I was terrified and had no place to go! However, when he was on his lows, I was grateful, and it meant I could recuperate from all anger and abuse. It was the only time I really felt any kind of happiness. We would stay in hotels rooms and I would soak my bruised/swollen body in the bath tub. It was a break from the Icy Hot! I really loved him with all my heart when he was on his lows. He told me he loved me and that he was sorry for what he was doing to me. At times I could see a little bit of the guy I married. Those were the days I prayed for. When he was on his anger highs, I was terrified for my life. I was scared of him. I did everything I knew how just to keep the anger away. I was just too weak and hurt to stand up to him. I folded and just took it and begged him to stop. There were times I wasn’t even sure he knew what he was doing. I prayed to God every night that he would look over and protect me. After a while, the lows didn’t come very much and I became afraid for my life. He started taking my money away and destroyed my credit card. He went as far as to take my driver's liscense away so I had no ID. I had no phone. He broke mine. Therefore I had no phone numbers to call to get help. I had no way out. After a while, it became too much and I just couldn’t do it anymore. On August 23, 2009 was last of the abuse I could physically take. In order to save my life, I jumped out of a moving semi-truck going about 3 mph while he was attempting to pull over on the interstate. And no, I wasn't trying to commit suicide; you see if I had not gotten away when I did, he would have killed me. I limped down the interstate in the opposite direction of traffic begging for help bleeding from the mouth and half conscience. I realized it too late that he was mentally & physically ill and needed help and I was severely injured & depressed and needed help. The cops eventually came and he was taken into custody and I was hospitalized for about a week. As a result I had Facial Fracture Orbital Surgery under my left eye, severe hematomas in my arms and legs, lash marks on my arms/legs/back from belts/CB Handle, a stab wound in the left leg, a skull fracture, and a couple broken ribs. My parents were devastated. The son-in-law they trusted and thought would love and protect their daughter almost killed her. They drove 12 hours to be with me for my surgery and take me home to recover. With the help of some physcial therapy, and my parent's support, I made a full recovery. Thanks be to God. Despite the horrific things that occurred, I did not press charges. Yes... I single handly let my ex walk away without facing a potential attempted Murder Charge, Assault & Battery and Felony. If I had pressed charges, he would have most likely done some time in a Texas State Prison. Most of my close friends & family wanted him behind bars. Most people think I rolled over and let him win once again. It was my decision to make. I let him walk away a free man. All I can say is.... He better not hurt anybody else! I asked for him to get help, medical attention, find the Lord and give me a respectful/peaceful divorce. He did everything I asked of him and we divorced in May 2010. Where is the judice in all of this? Well.... He gets to face his peers and live with the fact that he beat up and tortured the love of his life/ex-wife and almost killed her! Thats enough judice for me! Prison just wasn't the answer. He needed help! The divorce was devastating on me. He was my heart and soul for so long and it was hard to close that chapter in my life. However it was for the best. We both got the help we needed and have moved on with life. Some ask me why I didn't send him to prison? I say to them it’s simple, some people just need a second chance at life! A wake up call! A chance to get help, get their life together and find the Lord! I think it was the Christian thing to do! He respectfully gave me a divorce and since then we have moved on by living healthier and happier lives.