The Domestic Violence Cycle
Knowing the domestic violence cycle will help you understand what is going on in your relationship with your abuser.
As you look at this cycle, I hope you can look at it from your abuser's point of view... and remember that your abuser's only purpose in abusing you is to gain and maintain total control over you! This is NOT your fault!
The domestic violence cycle has three phases;
Tension building: As hard as you try, nothing you do is right, or good enough. Please be careful and try to defuse any situations. This is the time when your abuser is wanting to gain, or maintain control and is setting things up for the next phase of this cycle.
Battering: Every victims scariest moment. Again try hard to defuse the situation, and be careful!! Leaving is the most dangerous moment in a domestic violence situation, if you think you will live through this moment, plan to leave during the next phase. Otherwise, call the police now!!
Honeymoon: Your abuser may apologize, or blame you for what just took place in the previous phase. The abuser will act like things are normal, or be extra nice to insure that you won't report the abuse. The abuser may start making plans for something you have wanted, plans for the family, plans for the future... whatever the abuser thinks will keep you in this relationship.
Please know that the Honeymoon Phase is the safest phase to secretly start getting your documents for an emergency and paper trail of abuse together with anything else you need to safely leave.
These three phases are in a continual cycle.
You may be telling yourself that your loved one didn't mean to hurt you and didn't mean the words that were said.
Would you treat, or talk to a loved one that way? Would you treat, or talk to anyone that way? If your answer is, "no!" then do not excuse the words and actions that were directed at you.
This is a control issue. In my experience and what I have heard from others as this cycle continues, it progressively gets worse to maintain control. This cycle does not get better.
You need to take care of yourself and your children. Start making a safety plan now to get out of this situation.
Go to surviving-domestic-violence.org
Go to domestic violence information from domestic violence cycle
