Trust In the Wrong Hands

by Jamie
(Denver,CO)

The door slams! I see him turn around with his fists clenched and instantly I know things are not going to be good. The promises that he made to change are out the window and I, again am going to pay the price for his thoughts. “Where have you been? And I suggest you tell me the truth” I know in my heart that I have no interest in lying to this man but no matter what I say and how honest I am he already has a scenario in his head of where I have been and what I have been doing but I answer him anyway. “I went to the store with you sister and her friend.” Fear shoots through my veins as I await his answer. This isn’t the first time we have been in this room which is now becoming a place I try to avoid at all costs.

He looks up at me with hate and anger in his eyes this is not the Brian that I know this is his alter ego whom I am running into more and more these days. Why and I here? I ask myself. I just want to go home, I just want to be safe and with people that love me for me, but at this very moment there is nothing that I can do. There is no where I can go. I’m trapped. Brain removed his glasses and with squinted eyes looks me in the face and says “I have been waiting for your ass for hours and you seriously want me to believe that you have been at the store?” I try to interject “Please babe I wouldn't lie to you, I swear” but before I can even finish pleading I am knocked out cold. My body lay there motionless all the while screaming on the inside. I feel him hit me again and again and the blood runs down my face. Tears burning my eyes, my heart broken and my mind wondering what I have done to deserve this from the man that I trusted, loved even…
Almost 8 minutes have passed and I can hear screams on the other side of the door “Please stop, Open the door” But I can’t do anything but keep my eyes closed and brace myself for each incoming punch. Finally the door opens. Brian dripping with sweat stands in front of me with his hands in the air and says almost breathless “Now you can leave bitch” I lay there in shock and pain.
What happened next was nothing short of traumatic as Alice (Brian’s sister) came rushing to my side while her husband Diego tried to keep the small children from seeing my bruised, bloody, limp body laying still on the bed. “Wake up, Please” Alice picked me up off the bed and carried me to the bathroom where she tried to wash the blood off of my face and see where it was coming from. “Her lip is hanging off, Why, why would you do this Brian” she cried. I began to come around. I started crying. I could feel the pain now, not only on my body but in my heart as well. How could someone do such a thing? How could someone be so cruel as to hurt an innocent person?
When we walked into the hospital the nurses took me straight back where the doctors examined me and made it clear that stitches would be necessary. I felt embarrassed, betrayed, foolish and alone. I couldn't call my parents, how could I tell them that this monster of a man that I had professed my love for had hurt me to this extent. How could I justify this? How could I tell them? I couldn't. Thirteen stitches later, a doctor telling me that if my nose had been pushed any further up it could have killed me, I had to go back. I had nowhere else to go unless I wanted to break my mother’s heart with the consequences of my bad judgment written all over my face (literally) So I returned to the house. Brian apologized and cried and begged and pleaded and I tried to forgive. I tried to see it from his eyes, give him the benefit of the doubt but on that day in my life, I changed. I became less trusting, I became bitter. I became a victim.
It would be an additional two years of abuse before I welcomed my son into the world and again my life would change, this time it changed in a new direction completely. I had someone that needed me to not only take care of them but take care of myself and this little person gave me the strength to walk away and never look back.