The worst man I ever Had

by Megan
(Evansville)

When I say I was living in a private hell it is an understatement. At seventeen, I was beaten, abused mentally, abused physically, and abused financially. I felt like I was dealing with the devil himself.

Even with the physical abuse he could not control me the way he wanted. I still had this fight in me that just could not accept this as my life. So he would slash my tires; that still would not stop me from going where I wanted. He would go to my friends and tell them how I was just this monster that did him so wrong and cheated on him. Some of my friends turned their backs on me. That still did not stop me. He would come to my job and cause trouble to the point where I almost lost my job. Then he hacked into my computer and got my information and started opening up credit accounts and going through my phone records.
To the outside world he made it seem that he was this upstanding guy that wanted to join the army and make something of him. But behind closed doors he was a monster. He hated himself, and he took that hatred out on me. I was everything he wanted to be. I was a hard worker, I had a car, a job, people liked me, I was smart, and I was attractive. He was none of those things. He was always jealous. Everything good in my, he tried to tear down. Damaging my car; making me almost lose my job; turning my friends against me; distracting me from studying; and beating me to make me less attractive. The physical abuse was something I just could not understand. He wouldn't slap me; he would punch me like I was his equal. I remember this incident very clear. I was in the car driving and he said to me that I was just an ungrateful bitch that I should be lucky to have him that no one would ever treat me the way he does. So I turned on the radio to drown him out, he then grabbed the steering wheel; I then pushed his hand away and told him not today. Then he grabbed me by my shirt; I then pushed him off of me. Then he held me down and started punching me on the side of my head. He then got out the car and took off. I ended up having to go to work that day. So when I arrived at work I went in the bathroom and I did not recognize myself I was bruised up and couldn't believe I had let myself get to this point. He had destroyed me; I just waved the white flag. I let him win. I just became everything he wanted me to be. He controlled my every move and because of that he did what he wanted cheated on me; beat me; and sometimes raped me. I was just so numb, I had no fight left.

When he went off to school and I didn’t have him around to control me, I began to be myself again. He did not like that, but I had the courage to finally get him out my system. Not only did he admit to the abuse in letters he would write to me, I used that to my advantage. I told him if he ever came around me, I would expose him for what he truly is. I am so happy I am free from this monster.