Your story really stuck out, we have many things in common. I too am 21 and I have a 1 year old son, I experienced verbal and emotional abuse from my partner throughout my whole pregnancy. We met in high school and have known each other for 7 years, though recently rekindled our relationship in the beginning of 2013. Almost immidiately and also unplanned I became pregnant, and at first he seemed joyous but that soon changed. He was saying every hurtful thing he could to persuade me to get an abortion, and I did attempt to until I found out that I was too far a long and would have to go to another facility where the procedure was much more evasive. I hadn't yet looked into the stages or developments of pregnancy because I was scared of already loving this little thing inside of me. But I had decided to look, and there was no going back. After I assured him I was keeping it (despite how much he told me that he would not be there and that I would be alone), he accepted it and actually showed excitement and anticipation of our sons arrival. I had known him for years and never knew him to be this abusive person, but throughout the almost two year period that we didn't talk he truly became someone else. Throughout my entire pregnancy I was called names like fat, ugly, stupid. That I didn't contribute enough financially and how I never did anything right. No pregnant woman should ever have to go through abuse, and I thought that I believed that until there I was eight months pregnant sitting in the closet and crying. Our son came, but he was not our answer. It was actually quite sad, we got into an argument on the night we took our son home for the first time, he was mad because I couldn't put the car seat in fast enough and he wanted to leave.
It is now a year later, and sadly I am still here. I am still a victim, and now my son is too. I am still getting abused frequently, mostly verbal but sometimes physical. My reasoning is the same, I want my son to have a family, a two-parent family but that isn't the fix. You need to live for your son, but you also need to live for YOU and that is something that I am working on. I am making a plan, and when I am ready and had enough I will leave. I will be strong, and you can be too.
Oct 31, 2014
Please take care by: Anonymous
Honey I understand your pain . but you cannot love somone who treats you that way babe. Please make a plan and get out from someone who has been there. If you contact me back i work for a shelter and will happily give you my number to call and talk it through. Darling...you deserve more believe in you and your childs worth and please leave. fiance
Oct 25, 2014
Internal courage! by: Anonymous
Please note, I want to start with a statement that it is easier for me to say than to implement.
1. Make a list of things that you are dependent upon on this individual.
2. It is very clear that there is absolutely no relationship between both of you.
3. Please let us not kid ourselves. It is very clear!
4. So with that being said - let us begin this journey. Once you have clear list of things that you are dependent on this individual (both physical and psychological).
5. Make mental exercise how would you handle those when this individual is not taking care of those things. This is a starting point.
6. None of us deserve to be treated violently by our own people. Otherwise what is the difference between outside traitor vs this individual. Work it through so it is clear to you.
7. Setup mentally short term, medium term and long term goals for getting away from this individual.
8. Internally in your mind start disassociating with this individual. I think that is easy because you don't need to convince anybody all you need to do is to deal with your attachment with this wrong individual.
9. Once that internal detachment happens then when time comes automatically things will fall in right place to emotionally/mentally/physically detach from this person.
10. As far as possible practice the formula of "Out of sight out of mind". Take out his pictures, his names from your constant line of sight.
11. With in very short period of time you will see internal courage and internal detachment which will make you stronger.
12. Then unknowingly you will start getting external help to deal with this situation.
Please pray. God and our prayers are with you. Be Strong - May God bless you. You are always there in our thoughts and prayers.
Jun 11, 2014
Love is.... by: Anonymous
"Love is patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control", 1 Corinthians 13. What you're experiencing is not love but control. He won't change and you can't change him. You and your baby deserve better.
Apr 16, 2014
How you end up mentally broken by: Anonymous
I was married, process of getting a divorce, to a man also from India. We were married for 20 years, together for 10 before that. He was reluctant to marry me due to his family's objections. We married when I became pregnant with our first daughter. When she was less than a year old the physical abuse, toward me only, began. There had always been verbal abuse. The first time he hit me I was driving with the baby in the back in her car seat. He hit me very hard on the side of my head, for what I don't recall. It continued for years and through my second pregnancy. Fast forward twenty years and my eldest daughter called the police during a very violent event,and he was arrested. My girls have never witnessed any abuse but have heard plenty of yelling. I have a restraining order; he is not allowed to contact our 16 year old child or go to visit our almost 20 year old at college. The abuse had become more frequent and severe. He threatened to kill me. I never left as I was afraid he would take my girls and go to India and I wouldn't be able to find them. He would have told them I was dead and they would have never known I was looking for them. He had the money to do it also. I blame this on Indian and Eastern culture. Indian women are raised to be submissive and the man is the boss. I don't care their age or socio economic status or level of education. I am the only woman in his family that isn't an MD and this is true across the board. He, however is the only one who is physically abusive, that I know of. They all accept pushing. I am now trying to pick up the pieces. My daughters have no idea what a normal family is like. I live I fear that they will accept any behavior from a man, because I did. I also fear that they may never find anyone as they are now so jaded that no man will ever be able to normally disagree with them or have a normal,heated argument. I have to say that the mental abuse is much worse than the physical abuse. Your body heals and you tell yourself it will never happen again because you will do better. The mental abuse is daily and grinding. I find myself berating myself- just like he did. Please leave while you can. It is better to come from a broken home than live in one. End your mistake so you don't wake up 59 years old and broken and alone.
Nov 07, 2013
Me too. by: Anonymous
I have just read this and the tears are falling down my face. I am 19 and I am currently in a violent relationship. He punches me, pulls my hair, slaps me continuously. Only Friday he split my nose there was blood everywhere. Funny enough, he was the one who took me to the hospital, holding my hand while I got the stitches. I don't think there is any explanation for why we chose to stay with these monsters. I understand it's so much harder for you because you are carrying his baby. I try to think of the person I was before I met him. All I know is that they will never change. Once they have hit you once this gives them confirmation to do the same over and over again - because they know we will not leave. I think with support of these sites and maybe even seeking professional help that we can get through it and find someone who truly loves us. Because this isn't love. It's control and I don't understand what they gain out of hurting the woman they are with. I hope for you and your babies safety. You get help and leave!
Aug 19, 2013
Don't Buy into the Excuses by: Anonymous
This is your first baby and you are still young so in all honesty you will be with him for a while, maybe even forever. Everyone in this situation will stay until they are tired of it them selves. You can read stories and get advice but until you are tired of being treated this way will you leave. I have been threw this with a few BOYS. It makes you feel that this is what you deserve or that it is your fault because different boys have treated you this way but it is never your fault. You should have left the first time he but your child in danger. My first daughters father was abusive while I was pregnant. It was both of our faults that I got pregnant because we did not use protection but I say it is mostly his because he did not pull out. With this being said that did not mean he wanted the baby. He never provided for us while we were together and he has not provided for his now 10 year old daughter. If you are having a boy your son will grow up to do the same thing to girls just from seeing his father do it to you. Later if you have a daughter she will think it is ok for her boyfriend to do the same to her. I'm sure as you have read it is a cycle, this is learned from being seen. It will not stop until we stop showing it to our children. You need to call the Police even if you stay with him when he gets out call the Police every time he touches you. With the boy I talked about I called the cops on him and he still came back and did it again until I said enough. He moved on and had a baby with another girl and hits her as well. She called the Police on him but still stays with him. Like I said you will stay until you have had ENOUGH !!! I wish you and your unborn baby the best. Trust me being a single parent is better then what you are going through.
Aug 15, 2013
Think About YOU and your BABY only by: Estela
Be strong and think things thru, there are lots of organizations that can help. get out before its to late. he can hurt you and kill your baby with one punch to the stomach. leave when he's not there, its easier. otherwise he won't let you leave.
Jul 13, 2013
You need to get out! by: Anonymous
Its weird how similar your story is, it's like these men are all the same person. I'm also 21 and am still in an abusive relationship of over 6 years, trying to find the strength to leave. Nobody also knows about what is going on in my relationship although my parents do not like him any much. I have not told any of my friends as I always feel like they would never understand. The questions of "why don't you just leave him" etc. I would be the same before I got into this mess, only someone who has truly lived through it will ever understand how hard it really is.
I really feel for you, especially being pregnant. Although I can't really talk as I'm still trying to get away, do NOT stay in the relationship just for the baby. It will not stop him as I'm sure you know and you need to think of your precious baby and the best thing for them.
Have you thought about talking to your GP? I went to mine a couple of weeks ago to say I was stressed and spoke about it for the first time and felt soo much better. She was really supportive. Also, have you been on the women's Aid website? Although I have not yet found the courage to contact them there is a lot of useful information like this website and they have a forum with many other people who are going through the same thing and offer really useful advice.
Sorry this has not been much help and I'm rambling but stay safe. Could you really see yourself being happy with this "man" in the next 20 years. Life is too short for us to live like this any longer. you deserve better. best of luck and hoping someday we will both be free!!
Jul 08, 2013
Barring order keep him away for year by: Anonymous
Call the cops next time it gets physical. Take photos of our bruises, hide them from your phone, but email them to someone you can trust. If possible record his behavior. All of this is abuse whether verbal or physical. Your kin will never forgive you if you let this go. I am forlorn. You know it could have happened to them. Take your time to get this right and get a barring order for a few years so he has some time to deal with his issues away from you. Keep safe they are very clever, but get evidence.