clueless!

I was married for almost 20 years. I never met him because we grew up together and lived one street from each other. We have two children together and year after year even though there were good times we struggled with his alcohol, anger and drugs. It was a rollacoaster ride. I dealt with his attempted suicidal moods, chemical imbalance and he was actually hospitalized and would do great for a while and then the ride started all over again.

In the end my youngest son told me "mama, I wished we could just move out" out of the mouth of babes. Months later he snapped and choked me unconscious collapsing two vertebrae in my neck as well as brain affixation, and left me for dead. If not for a seizure I would not be here today. After a week in the hospital and him being in jail I filed for a divorce.

I thought I was losing my mind! I reached out to a domestic violence counselor and went through the counseling program for over a year. The best thing I have ever done! The more we talked about my situation the stronger I got. There were things that we talked about that brought to my attention that besides the fact that he physically hurt me there were many other forms of abuse. Emotional and physiological abuse was just the tip of the iceberg. It has been a very long journey and I suffered from depression, injuries and anxiety along with everything else that goes along with the feeling of losing myself in the process.

The best advice I could give anybody in a domestic situation is to not fear seeking help. It could save your life as well as the lives of your children. The hardest thing for me was to let go and let God and take it minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day! I missed my family dearly but knew there was no going back. It never goes away however it does get better and 5 years later I am remarried to a wonderful caring man. Life does not end if you get out of an abusive relationship. If you make good choices and find out who you are with the help of some great counselors. My heart goes out to anyone who has to go through domestic violence. Just remember there is life on the other side.