A New Day
by Anonymous
After dating for 6 months I got engaged to my caring prince. The person that was going to change my life for ever! The man that became my husband six moths further down the road. I was nurtured and held in caring arms, taken for lovely evenings out and treated like a princess.
My life soon changed as I fell pregnant on my honeymoon, my prince suddenly changed and the jealously became more frequent along with the number of phone calls as he would often ring between twenty or thirty times a minute if I didn't answer. Then he would start sending text after text until I spoke to him. When there was nothing to say he would just start hurling abuse down the phone at me. He would want to know my every move even going to the loo wasn't private as he would be standing outside waiting for me. Even though things had changed, I put my make-up on and held my head high.
After I had my first child life got even tougher, I thought it was because I had to re-learn to love him all over again. This time with a baby but what ever I did wasn't right, even if I gave him 100% of my time it wasn't enough for him.
A few years later, I fell pregnant with my second child! Oh boy, it was the worst thing that could have happened. He used to push me around and send little one up stairs with out food when he'd done nothing wrong just so he could jam me into a corner and shout in my face undermining my every move. His anger became vicious by the moment, everything we did had to be hidden so our life's weren't made hell. I felt that i'd done something wrong and I would always try to better the situation, but it didn't work . Often we would go for drives. Only to find he would get hold of the steering wheel and drag us across three lanes of traffic and demand to get out of the car and make his own way home.
We would sometimes wait for hours just sitting in fear not knowing what was going to be thrown around the room, or if I was going to be allowed to sleep that night !!!!!!!
Sex became rougher and his temper would carry on until I couldn't feel anything anymore. My body was there, but I wasn't. I remember just laying there sometimes unable to get to my little one when they were crying out.
Tough as I was I over rode it and pretend to myself and everyone else that my life was fine. People started to notice things weren't right, but each day I put my make-up on and just over rode it. He would push me around a hell of a lot, then decided he wasn't going to have another child. Grabbing hold of my arm, he forced me into the car to go to the abortion clinic to have the first scan before the abortion. I cried all the way home. That evening he started throwing the food I cooked onto the floor that I had taken it out of the oven. Boiling hot fat shot all over the place and a chicken ended up in the middle of the kitchen floor. Then pushing me to tidy it up, forcing me to get onto the floor. He waited until I had tidied up and smirked at me whilst knocking everything off the work surface.
I was afraid but had no where to
go and didn't know who to turn to. Whenever he had an inkling that I was going to do something about it, he would just turn round and say who would listen to you. They would think you're going mad!!!
I believed him, as there was going to be no way of proving what was going on . All I could do was write it down and throws it away.
Night after night I would just cry myself to sleep. After a long fight I finely had my second child. We were out on the road nearly every night driving aimlessly around hour after hour, sometimes freezing cold. The children would often get bronchitis, but no one was any the wiser. My life was non-existent as no one would come around and see us, as the atmosphere was like ice. If they did he would go out of his way to make sure they went fast.
More and more I would either be trapped in a corner, or pushed around after being absolutely petrified about what was going to happen next. His aversion was beyond a joke, but still I pretended that all was okay. Day by day I found myself going into my shell. I felt stuck not knowing what to do! All I did was just plod on making sure I saw my friends whilst he was at work, but I never stayed in the house as it was never my safe Haven.
A few years later I found myself pregnant again by this time he was threatening to kill himself. He use to say he wanted to just stand in front of a bus, playing with my emotions all the time. The aggression got worse. Holes in in walls, doors slammed, argument after argument. I was told we were going to sell and go abroad to start a new life. The house was sold from under me. The dog was thrown out as I was only allowed to keep one; either the baby or the dog. Yet, still he wanted me to go for an abortion.
I was told, "you ------- bitch. You did that on purposes because I've just finished paying maintenance for my child from marriage number 1. I used to sit night after night in fear not knowing whether we would be able to sleep at night, not knowing if I was going to have to lay there whilst the father raped me roughly in hopes that I would start to bleed.
It didn't work I had my third child. I spent all of my time tired, but just got on with it. Everyday he would be hunting through my bag pulling out all the clean clothes leaving them on the floor, checking web-pages I'd been on, phoning friends of mine and shouting at them digging whether I was seeing anyone. That's what he thought when I dressed up, or if I was going with the girls, or rather wanting to. He would say I was a lesbian, but then if I didn't bother he would just call me a slob! Nothing I did was right for him. He told me to leave with my idiots so I did.
We stayed with a friend for two months. It was only then I felt the warmth of family life for the first time. I was able to keep routine for the children. I know I have hope for a new day, even though there hasn't been closer. I'm one step nearer and have children that are getting more and more confident by the moment and all because of friends.