8 years of abuse. I'm now free yet still feel trapped

by Amanda
(Australia )

I met my husband through my parents business, he seemed perfect, everything I had ever wanted. He was quite, handsome, from a good family, sweet and loving.

3 months into our relationship it started. First it was the abuse, calling me awful names, swearing at me, telling me how useless I am, etc... This was soon followed by being pushed, shoved, things being thrown at me. A few years and 3 children later and the violence had progressed into spitting in my face, crushing my hand in doors, slamming doors into me, head butting my face, slamming my head into the car, throwing me over furniture (while I was 8 months pregnant). I was forever covered in bruises. Of course he told me that I made him act like this. I, "made him crazy".

I stayed because he had dragged me down so low I was afraid I would never find anyone else, after all I am "fat, ugly, useless, white trash, a bad mother". The final straw was after the birth of our 4th child. He came to pick me up from the hospital and he proceeded to tell and scream out the front of the hospital calling me a stupid cu@t.

A few months later it was all arranged, I had a house to live in and my family were helping me move away (5 hours away). Finally I felt free, until he followed me here. Now even though we are still separated and he no longer hits me, he still just walks into my house, yells at me, tells me if I ever meet anyone else he will kill them. He says that I'm just lucky I'm the mother of his kids or he would kill me too. My freedom will never come. In my own home without him, yet trapped by this person. :(

now I wonder will I ever be able to recover mentally from what he has done? Will I ever truly be free?